Random Whatevers~

2011-09-08T00:36:00.000+08:00

12 Day Video Challenge - Day 3

2011-08-30T01:36:00.002+08:00

Nostril, ew~

Terdedah aurat. Jangan tergoda ya ladies ;)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Maaf Z&B y'all! <3

2011-08-14T22:34:00.002+08:00

Takkan lagi ku sesali keputusanmu
Ku tahu kau tak ingin ku semakin kan terluka
Tak inginku paksakan cinta ini.
Meski tiada sanggup untuk ku terima

Kau bukanlah manusia paling berdosa
Namun mengkhianati rasa demi keinginan semu
Lebih baik ku jangan mencintaimu dan semua hatimu
Karena takkan pernah kan ku temui cinta sejati...

Berakhirlah sudah semua kisah ini dan takkanku tangisi lagi
Sekalipun kau takkan pernah mencoba kembali padaku
Sejuta kata maaf terasa kan percuma.
Serasa kau t'lah mati untuk menyadarinya...

Tapi bukan aku.

Semoga saja kan ku dapati hati yang tulus mencintaiku
Tapi bukan kau.

Berakhirlah sudah semua kisah ini dan takkanku tangisi lagi
Sekalipun kau takkan pernah mencoba kembali padaku
Sejuta kata maaf terasa kan percuma.
Serasa kau t'lah mati untuk menyadarinya.

Diadaptasi dari lagu [Tapi Bukan Aku : Kersipatih]

One word

2011-08-14T01:05:00.001+08:00

Sial!

Si tu peux parles Francais, ou est-ce que et comment tu etudies la langue Francais?

2011-08-13T16:14:00.001+08:00

Si tu peux parles Francais, ou est-ce que et comment tu etudies la langue Francais?

Answer here

BAJET

2011-08-12T22:09:00.002+08:00

Pls comment. Hahaha. Bajet betul la mamat ni! Sapa dia ntah? Haish! :P

12 Day Video Challenge - Day 2

2011-08-12T21:44:00.002+08:00

Day 2 - What is in your bag ?

The lighting kinda sucks.

12 Day Video Challenge - Day 1

2011-08-10T02:28:00.003+08:00

1. Your full name and tumblr url.

So this is the first of the 12 day challenge.

I don't usually speak AmE btw.

12 Day Video Challenge

2011-08-10T02:17:00.003+08:00

Got this from Ema.

1. Your full name and tumblr url.
2. What is in your bag ?
3. Tour of your bedroom
4. Say five things that begin with the first letter of your name
5. Go to your refrigerator and pick out 5 things you like
6. Give your opinion on three topics of your choice
7. Dreams & Ambitions.
8. Make a video with a friend.
9.. Tell us three things you like about yourself and three thing you don’t
10. Tell us about your favourite band/artist.
11. Favourite drink, food, number, colour ?
12. Favourite boys name & favourite girls name

I know that I haven't actually finished my 30 day challenge.... But what the heck... Sod it.

2011-08-09T14:05:00.001+08:00

別の方法がないから。
It's because there's just no other way.

Tag by Ema

2011-08-06T12:46:00.003+08:00

10 things about your appearance

MY FACE

1.Pointy nose

2. Large eyes

3. luscious-ish lips

4. One protruding buck tooth. (I need braces -__-)
5. Stubble/goatee + whiskers. I don't have sideburns.

MY HEAD

6. Hair: Currently having side swept fringe with bangs. Dark brown/brunette (People say brunettes are smart. Lol)

7. HEIGHT
>183 cm/ >6'1" (Last time I checked: 2009) / WEIGHT 61 kg

PIERCING

8. None

CLOTHES

9. Checkered/plaid shirts <3 Blank and graphic tees, either V-neck or round-neck

10. Bottom: Skinny jeans. 3 quarters.

So, this is me.

(I know, buruk. Tapi nampak mcm gemuk sikit dalam gambar ni. I like. Lol)

Coda

2011-08-05T23:09:00.002+08:00

No more. The heart that has been stabbed and stitched time and time again has now been defeated. Love can never fill this empty heart as it no longer can withstand the torture. The tears have now turned to blood. I shall now withdraw myself. The fear of ever having to let go but never forgetting is now forever embedded in me as I can never live without forgetting about the past for each time I fall in love, a piece of my heart is given away. Probably not taken, but definitely given away. Now that my heart is hollow, all that is left is only grief and sorrow. I blame none other than myself for I am the one who dug my own grave as I had foreseen this coming clearly in my mind's eye. My heart plays tricks on me, making me think that you could ever love me. That hope blinded me from the start, even when you straightened things out. The hope that something could exist between us lived on, growing day by day. I wish I could have been something to you. Something a bit more. Something you could have loved. But it seems that I just am not one that can offer you my love. All is led to waste. Thinking about it makes me choke. I just cannot live in pain anymore. I have to withdraw. I need to flee from my emotions. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I wish you could be the one saying that you are sorry. All I can reply to you is a smile. Thank you. Thank you and goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

2011-07-14T16:38:00.000+08:00

Potter

2011-07-13T13:30:00.003+08:00

Watched the movie premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 last night and i must say that it was absolutely delicious! The plot, storyline, cinematography, EVERYTHING was fantastic!

Ok, here's a filler photo before I story mory to y'all about all the shit.

I gotz the ticketz bitch! Wez be goinz to TGV.

2 nights before going to the premiere, Fie, Pajid and I spent the night at KL Central just for the sake of being the first ones to get to Star Tower in PJ to acquire the premiere tickets. Damn, that night was like hell for me! We stayed up at McD, literally doing nothing. Just sitting there and 'doing stupid' (Buat bodoh) all night long till morning came. I did have a little bit to do, reading a book, listening to music, but then I began to feel bored. So I laid my head on the table and went to sleep. Then this Indian McD lady woke me up, saying that you can't lay your head on the table. Like, WTF? Why? What is the reason of my disability in laying my head on the aforementioned table? She kept on waking me up because I kept on laying my head on the table. Lastly, I became so frustrated and sleepy, I actually slept on the floor at the entrance of McD, behind the GCB banner. Lol. Ok, so morning came. It was 6 in the morning and we wanted to hastily get to the tower. Went to the toilet and freshened up. I actually brought my toiletries for the sake of that night. Brought my face wash, tooth brush, toothpaste and deodorant. Wouldn't want to make people think that I didn't shower that morning right? (Even though I really didn't) Had a delicious Sausage Mcmuffin with egg, a hashbrown and some tea. Headed to the LRT station and went from Central to Asia Jaya where we were to take a cab. firstly, we hailed a cab but he didn't know where 'Menara Star' was. Only after a few hailing of cabs *Lol* did we get a cab driver who knew where Menara Star was. Got off the cab and went inside. To our surprise, we found out that we were among the first to queue. There was this Chinese lady and a Chinese man already there. It was 7-ish already and the tickets were handed out at 11. People started to congregate at 8-9 and by 10, the place was already crowded. 11 O'clock, we got the tickets and were sexcited for the movie the following day. That day, I was so exhausted, but couldn't really sleep well. It wasn't the excitement, but my insomnia, I think. Okay, the next day, I mean night, my cousin and I went to Sunway for the premiere. When we got there, TGV was packed with human beings and it was absolutely stuffed I say! Some were cosplaying. Bought some popcorn and drinks and went in. Seating was at 9:20, but the movie started at about 9:40-ish. During the movie, everyone clapped their hands every time an exciting event happened, like when certain people died and so on. Ok, whatever.

All in all, the movie was awesome. I'd say that it is the best out of all the previous HP movies. It serves as closure to the series. But one thing annoyed me though. The part when Harry gave the final blow to Voldermort. The time when he died was just not convincing enough. There was no 'BOOM factor' in Voldermort's death. This was really anti-climactic. I was expecting one of those 'edge-of-your-seat' moments when all the hairs on your body would stand and you would totally orgasm in excitement. But it was merely a smoke bomb and not a grenade or whatever huge missile bomb thingy. Lol. The climax was a "Pssssssssssssstttttttttttt" instead of a "KEBABOOOMMMMMM MELETOPPP BOM BOM BAYM BAY BAYM SHAZAYMMMM!!". But it was okay. The whole movie was excellent nevertheless.

P/s: It's been ages since I wrote something a bit more digestible like this right? Lol.

2011-07-13T01:57:00.000+08:00

A definition reborn. I am revived.

Paradox

2011-07-12T16:32:00.004+08:00

Close the drapes and lose yourself in the blindness of the dark,
Let the whispers of your doubt haunt your mind and possess your soul,
Cast the shadows out of their graves and venerate them like the gods they are,
Close your heart and never allow the light of hope shine through your damned existence,

Once despair reveals himself,
All is lost and nothing is gained,
For all the world has gone,
and all that remains is sorrow,

The liberty of the heart can never be perceived once it is tied to another,
Skin is sewn together and the 2 hearts converge,
There is no more hope,
No more freedom,

By : Kei

2011-07-12T03:27:00.000+08:00

2011-07-11T20:15:00.001+08:00

2011-07-11T07:55:00.001+08:00

This was never meant to last

Schizophrenia

2011-07-10T16:15:00.002+08:00

Patience! Patience! You must not let your emotions overpower yourself!! Your feelings can never get the best of you because they impair judgement! Never submit yourself to your emotions for they could mean the downfall of you. You must have control over your tempestuous emotions. The maelstrom of emotions you are experiencing are nothing but things that could harm you, just like last time.

I have no strength to conquer my feelings. I'm just a weakling.

You have a strong will and you can set your mind to anything you wish. The only thing that is stopping you from controlling your emotions is your desire to despair. You know that, deep inside, you want your sentience to grab hold of your consciousness. The both of us know that.

I know. But i just can't help myself from wanting to love and be loved. What must I do to make this suffering stop? Love itself is an agonizing emotion. It eats me from the inside. People keep on saying that love is happiness but why am I not happy? This feeling makes me want to cry. I don't even know the difference between love and sorrow because both of them feel the same. I don't understand how love can hurt so much. Is love meant to be like this? Is love actually something that makes you want to cry? Is love really sorrow in disguise?

Agony

2011-07-10T14:00:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry. I just want you to know that I care about you and that I'm afraid that I care about you. I'm perpetually traumatised by the feeling of liking and caring someone that I become overly speculative and doubtful. To tell you the truth, I'm really jealous. Jealous of a lot of things. It's just the way I am. I doubt a lot, I'm sceptical, I'm speculative, I'm afraid and I'm jealous. All of the things that could easily end something between two persons. But I can't keep you from doing what you desire because I have no right in determining how you live your life. That's your prerogative and I understand. I wish you were the one who would say that you're sorry. I guess I'll just have to accept how things are and only pray that you comprehend the depth of my feelings toward you.

If I am ever disappointed by you, I hope you understand and remember that I really do care about you.

I don't like this. I don't like at all. I wish I didn't have these kinds of feelings. When will the pain stop?

2011-07-10T13:45:00.002+08:00

If one can do harm to others, then that person could most definitely do harm to me as well.

2011-07-10T04:00:00.001+08:00

2011-07-10T03:52:00.002+08:00

Please don't make me wait and hope.

Time and hope are two things that really kill me slowly.

2011-07-09T21:31:00.001+08:00

Lembutnya mata hingga jiwaku goyah dan resah
Apa yang kuidamkan ada di depan mataku
Rindunya hati di kasih bila kau pergi
Apa yang kumahu cuma kau ada depanku

2011-07-09T17:35:00.000+08:00

Judicandus

2011-07-09T12:57:00.000+08:00

Slash

2011-07-07T13:38:00.003+08:00

Serious frustration! I seriously wish murder was an acceptable law under the circumstance that you've been wrongly done. I could just slit his throat and pierce his flesh with the knives I have in my drawers. Claw his eyeballs out and feed them to the crows. I'm seriously in the mood to kill this bloody bastard. I hope the Lord smites you for the sin you've committed towards me. I hope the grave eats up your body and crushes you till all is left is dust. I swear, you will bear my grudge till the end of time. Curses of your bloody and painful demise will linger every breath I breathe. You shall suffer the wrath of hell, no doubt. No doubt indeed! Amen!

Day 23

2011-07-06T01:54:00.003+08:00

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

Michael Hague's Favourite Han's Christian Andersen Stories.

It's an anthology or compilation of the famous stories by Hans Christian Andersen, of which 'The Snow Queen' would be my personal favourite.

"Roses fade and die, but we, our infant lord shall surely see"

2011-07-05T12:51:00.003+08:00

Ok, I succeeded in avoiding stepping on the pile of shit that could've sucked my foot into hell. Now is the defining moment. Only time will unveil what the future brings. Hope god and time are merciful towards me.

2011-07-05T02:36:00.000+08:00

I'm in some really deep shit now.

Hope

2011-07-05T02:07:00.004+08:00

It's one of the things I hate and love the most, at the same time, in this world. It's like a double-edge sword. You climb the thread of hope to get to the top. But once the string breaks, you fall into the abyss of despair. That's the difficult part. Expectation is just as jeopardising. Either way, hope and expectation hurt a lot. But, hope would be the one that hurts most. If there is hope, but no expectation, then you are in oblivion. If there is hope and expectation, you're constantly doubtful of whether or not you'll be successful in getting to the top. If hope stops, despair continues where it stopped. If there is expectation, but not any hope to start with, then you're doomed from the beginning. If there isn't any of both, then that would hurt, but a lot less.

Day 22

2011-07-02T12:07:00.002+08:00

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Being a better muslim, which practically makes me better at everything else.

...... Oh, and better at playing the piano too..

Rejection

2011-07-02T00:55:00.002+08:00

Rejecting someone is seriously a very hard thing for me to do. It's hard to find the words so that you wouldn't hurt the other person's feelings.

Being rejected hurts a lot too.

I feel so...... I don't know how I feel. It's this heavy feeling.

Ok, fine, I feel 'heavy' for rejecting someone. D:

Things are getting awkward.

"Hey, we can still be friends, right?"

A cliche phrase for a breakup/rejection.

Day 21

2011-06-26T03:50:00.000+08:00

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

Separation

2011-06-24T01:38:00.000+08:00

I guess I should resume my 30 days challenge. Lol

2011-06-04T13:32:00.000+08:00

2011-06-04T01:23:00.000+08:00

Day 20

2011-06-03T21:52:00.002+08:00

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Russia

Italy

Day 19

2011-06-03T00:31:00.000+08:00

Day 19 - A picture and a letter (choose any photo and write short entry to explain why you've chosen it)

Because that's what I feel like doing right now.

2011-06-03T00:21:00.002+08:00

How can I be sure that you're the one for me? My heart is filled with doubts. I am unsure of your intentions. Whether they're pure or simply laden with lies. I am confused of my feelings. I think it's just that I miss you. But I really don't know what they mean. You make me want to cry. I always used to have strong feelings towards someone I like. As time goes, these feelings grow stronger and stronger until I feel as if my heart is swelling. I wish you would understand how I feel. How will these feelings be resolved? I hate this.

Day 18

2011-06-02T17:10:00.001+08:00

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Y'all don't need to know.

Day 17

2011-06-02T00:33:00.001+08:00

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

...

Nothing, really. D:

Day 16

2011-05-30T01:36:00.002+08:00

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

My father: Mustaffa Mohamed Zain

He inspires me to one day become a world-renowned academician/professor, just like himself, and even a pioneering linguist.

Papa, during his professorial lecture.

2011-05-28T22:48:00.002+08:00

I cried again today

2011-05-28T12:30:00.003+08:00

Hidup yang kau beri tidak ku sesali.

Kini satu ku idamkan, hanya mati.

Duhai yang kuasa, sambutlah ku yang ingin pulang kepadamu.

Dendangilah ku dengan maut mu.

2011-05-28T00:52:00.001+08:00

言葉が出ないときに泣くことだけは抑制したの気持ちを開放されることができます

Only during times when words cannot be conveyed does crying liberate the suppressed feelings.

Uncertainty

2011-05-26T18:35:00.002+08:00

I purged my heart out to you. My doubts haunt me. The future is unsure. I don't know if what you say are lies or the truth. Let time pave the steps. I will arrive at 2 avenues. And they are the ones that will decide whether I will finally be happy or fall into despair. By then, I shall wait.

2011-05-26T13:10:00.001+08:00

2011-05-25T21:15:00.003+08:00

I fall in love too quickly, that's what some people say about me. Well, I guess this is true. It could be a blessing, though it could also mean the very death me. So please be nice to my heart. It's not very strong to begin with.

Day 15

2011-05-25T12:21:00.002+08:00

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

2011-05-25T01:55:00.000+08:00

I wallow in self pity, I know. So STFU.

Day 14

2011-05-23T13:49:00.001+08:00

Day 14- A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Ma and Pa.

2011-05-22T22:02:00.002+08:00



"Turiddu aveva a Lola, eterna fè giurato"

Will I end up as Santuzza? Will Turiddu ever be mine in the first place?

I just don't know. I fear the future. I fear fate. I fear destiny.

Day 13

2011-05-22T20:40:00.002+08:00

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

LA DIVINA

Maria Callas (December 2, 1923 – September 16, 1977)

愛しい人に。。

2011-05-22T17:13:00.002+08:00

Voi tutti lo sapete....

2011-05-22T16:33:00.005+08:00

Voi lo sapete, o mamma,
Prima d'andar soldato,
Turiddu aveva a Lola Eterna fè giurato.
Tornò, la seppe sposa;
E con un nuovo amore
Volle spegner la fiamma
Che gli bruciava il core:
M'amò, l'amai.
Quell'invidia d'ogni delizia mia,
Del suo sposo dimentica,
Arse di gelosia...
Me l'ha rapito...
Priva dell'onor mio rimango:
Lola e Turiddu s'amano,
Io piango, io piango!

Voi Lo Sapete, O Mamma (Chevalerie Rustique/Cavalleria Rusticana) - Pietro Mascagni

To Shave, or not to Shave. That is the Question!

2011-05-21T17:19:00.002+08:00

What do y'all think?

Day 12

2011-05-21T15:07:00.003+08:00

Day 12 - A picture of your favorite memory

Pangkor with the Beach Friends.

Doodle

2011-05-21T15:03:00.001+08:00

There's no harm in showing a little bit of bromance right? Haha

Day 11

2011-05-20T20:36:00.004+08:00

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Being heartbroken.

Day 10

2011-05-19T12:52:00.003+08:00

Day 10 - A picture of your most treasured item(s)

BB and laptop. I'd take a picture of my piano, but it's downstairs and I'm under-dressed and lazy to go downstairs.

*Sticker kucing tu Po bagi. Ada sticker kucing punya paw on the other side. Haha*

Day 9

2011-05-08T22:09:00.002+08:00

Seandai kau tahu. Apa yang ku mahu. Mahukan diri mu. Tuk mendekati ku

Dikutip Dari: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:hjCk54-_6PoJ:www.2lisan.com/rss/lirik-lagu-keliru-ramli-sarip---lirik-semua-lagu+lyrics+seandai+kau+tahuapa+yang+ku+mahukan+dirimu+mendekati+diriku.&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=my&client=firefox-a&source=www.google.com.my

Day 9 - A picture of you and the person who has gotten you through the most

DIVA

Day 8

2011-05-07T13:17:00.003+08:00

Day 8 - A picture of your hero / knight / heroine

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky (Russian: Пётр Ильич Чайковский)

(May 7, 1840 – November 6, 1893)

Day 7

2011-05-06T00:08:00.002+08:00

Day 7 - A picture of the person you do the silliest things with

My homeboys. Asad, Beng and Lepp.

Day 6

2011-05-05T00:37:00.003+08:00

Day 6 - A picture that makes you laugh

Yes, Sailor Mars does make me laugh, A LOT! Don't ask why. POM POM POM! Hahaha!

Day 5

2011-05-04T01:49:00.002+08:00

Day 5 - A picture of something you love

Day 4

2011-05-03T19:30:00.005+08:00

Day 4 - A picture of something you'd like to do again

Day 3

2011-05-02T19:08:00.002+08:00

Day 3 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

I love this show. LEVERAGE. I love this show too. GLEE.

Day 2

2011-05-01T21:02:00.003+08:00

Day 2 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Again, I'm ugly, sorry.

This is Alep. He's been one of my best friends since highschool. Never had really close friends before that.

Day 1

2011-04-30T14:46:00.003+08:00

Day 1 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts (you don't have to reveal your face)

I'm ugly, sorry.

Fact #1: I'm mentally and emotionally unstable.

Fact #2: I get pissed off and offended very easily.

Fact #3: I'm selfish, arrogant, proud, but I have many good friends *Though I'm not sure if they really are good friends when I'm not around*

Fact #4: I don't trust in anyone.

Fact #5: I'm spoiled.

Fact #6: I like classical music and opera. Eg: Tchaikovsky, Saint-Saens, Rachmaninoff, Grieg, Callas, etc.

Fact #7: I ignore people when I'm angry at them. I'll only speak when I'm REALLY angry.

Fact #8: I don't stick to anyone's side except mine.

Fact #8: I'm a seasoner, meaning that I don't have favourites. My tastes change though not all do.

Fact #9: I like animals and I like nature.

Fact #10: Nobody understands me because I refuse to reveal myself.

Fact #11: I keep my secrets and the secrets of others very well.

Fact #12: I don't like to share. Not even my problems.

Fact #13: I like to play the piano though I'm not quite good at it.

Fact #14: I wish to be a world renowned linguist/professor/academician and even be an ambassador.

Fact #15: I have this morbid wish that all of my past loves would die so that no one else could, would and should have them.

30 days Challenge!

2011-04-30T14:43:00.001+08:00

Day 1 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts (you don't have to reveal your face)

Day 2 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Day 3 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 4 - A picture of something you'd like to do again

Day 5 - A picture of something you love

Day 6 - A picture that makes you laugh

Day 7 - A picture of the person you do the silliest things with

Day 8 - A picture of your hero / knight / heroine

Day 9 - A picture of you and the person who has gotten you through the most

Day 10 - A picture of your most treasured item

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Day 12 - A picture of your favorite memory

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14- A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 19 - A picture and a letter (choose any photo and write short entry to explain why you've chosen it)

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 25 - A picture of your favourite day

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

Day 28- A picture of something you're afraid of

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Will do the first one in the next post.

Extracted from Haries.

Sanctuary

2011-04-24T23:52:00.002+08:00

I am selfish. I am self-centered. I'd do anything for my own sake. I'd grab that string of hope and push you aside and let you fall to the depths of despair. I don't largely care about other people, especially if they hold no pertinence to my life. If you're the lucky few to be my good friends, I'd consider a little, though not much. I eat my food, you eat yours. I live my life, you live yours. I don't expect anything from the likes of you, so why should you expect anything from me? You want to kill yourself? Go ahead, just as long as you don't mess up my life. It makes life much easier. You don't have to care about other people but yourself. I have my own problems to face and I don't need the problems of others to consider. The selfish part of me also includes my problems. I am selfish about my problems. Don't come and poking your nose into my problems because they are mine to solve. I don't need the grubby hands of others to come molesting my already messed up life. One thing, don't bloody ask me if I'm okay or not. If you feel that I'm not okay, fine, keep it to yourself. If you know, and you ask about what you already know, that'd make you a moron. I mean it. Don't ask whether or not I'm okay even when I seem okay, because even if I AM okay, I'd be pissed off if you ask. Just don't ask.

I'm arrogant. I'm proud. I like to boast my best qualities. I adore praises. Praise me more and I'd boast more. But, I don't boast explicitly. I don't say "Bitch, I'm fuckin smart, you're just a pathetic idiot". Heck, I don't even boast that much. I like to think of it as intrinsic boasting. Come to think of it this way: When I see something less impressive, I'd say in my mind, "I'm way better than that". Maybe, I boast implicitly through my expressions. I don't know really. Oh, and language too. I'd say that people think I boast about my intelligence through the way I talk. Really, it's just the way I talk, bitch. It has nothing to do with my intelligence (Though it does "technically"). Speaking of language, I know I speak well and I'd like to share that with people. I correct their grammar in hopes that they would speak better. AH! One thing! I'd feel really proud when I hear someone using a complex word I've learnt ages ago. Not because I've learnt it way before them. No, that'd be proud of myself. This is different. I'd be proud of the other person for using the word, yes. I just don't know why. Maybe it's because I want people to speak well. I'm proud of my self, my family, my lifestyle, everything. Now, I don't think I really boast, but I merely am proud. Nope, I don't boast, not really. I'm just proud and it shows.

I also like to win, even when it comes to tiny arguments. It just feels right to win. It's one of the things that make me feel good. At least, I'd know that I have something worth boasting. To me, losing is a sign of weakness and submission. Though so, I believe in rules and regulations. An argument is won through valid points. A stupid point would make YOU stupid yourself. Argue with relevant evidence and bask in the glory of winning. Ad Hominem? Now that's a STUPID thing. I'd say you're stupid when you digress to fighting about personal matters when the argument was nowhere near the issue. Idiot. I suppose you know that you've lost and you just want to save the little morsel of pride you have left by attacking some other shit I have. What a sore loser. Don't say I haven't warned you. You're stupid when I say you're stupid. I wouldn't say that you're stupid without a reason. If evidence suggests that you're stupid, then you're stupid.

I think these are among the worst characteristics I have.

I also have many good traits, many of which equalise or even positive-ise these three traits, though I wouldn't want to bore you people. You'd say that I boast and all that shit. To hell with your shit. Idc.

I have no idea why I'm writing this. Doesn't make me stupid though.

Forgive my French.

Morta

2011-04-03T14:57:00.001+08:00

Vivi ancora! Io son la vita!
Ne' miei occhi è il tuo cielo!
Tu non sei sola!
Le lacrime tue io le raccolgo!
Io sto sul tuo cammino e ti sorreggo!
Sorridi e spera! Io son l'amore!
Tutto intorno è sangue e fango?
Io son divino! Io son l'oblio!
Io sono il dio che sovra il mondo
scendo da l'empireo, fa della terra
un ciel! Ah!
Io son l'amore, io son l'amor, l'amor

By: Excerpt from 'La Mamma Morta' by Umberto Giordano

Stupidity

2011-03-20T23:43:00.003+08:00

What ever happened to my life?

Will bygones remain as bygones?

Am I pertinent to the structure of the universe?

Does anyone really love me? How would I know surely?

Do people really forgive me when I say that I'm sorry?

What would happen if I were to vanish?

Will people notice?

What if I were never born?

Do I really matter to the world?

How do we know we really exist?

Is life really existent or is it just a dream?

Does effort really lead to success?

Is death really the end of life?

What can I do to purge myself of my sins?

Does asking mean that one is oblivious?

Does oblivion mean that you are stupid?

Ultimately why?

Complex

2011-03-20T23:32:00.002+08:00

Art is complex. One can have his own interpretation of what art is. One might not have the exact same interpretation of another. One does not necessarily have to conform to the stereotypes the world has set as expression is liberal and free. Art is expression. Thus, art is liberal in its own right. Sonnets? Haikus? Fables? Epics? Abstractism? Realism? What are they? They're nothing for all I care. An artist does not have to conform to the accepted forms of art. Individualism is all a person should know. Art is the avenue of one's expression. A drawing can be a poem, a story, a picture, a lyric piece, a ballet, an aria, a song, anything. Just as long as a message can be embedded. But even if a message is embedded by an author, other people can ultimately have their own interpretations, which would twist and distort the intended message, making it abstract more further.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Stupid.

Suppression

2011-03-14T14:20:00.002+08:00

Maybe this is just my fate,

To admire without ever being loved,

It's okay, Just as long as your happy,

It's been long since I've suppressed these feelings,

Waiting for your heart to embrace me,

It's okay, your love itself is my happiness,

I want you to know that I am here waiting for you,

Though I may be waiting till the end of my time,

And hoping that this feeling will last forever,

Let me embrace you just this time,

To say goodbye to you forever,

And let this feeling last for just a little while,

Translation of [Cinta Dalam Hati - Ungu]

By : Kei

It's a moment

Oblivion

2011-03-03T15:36:00.003+08:00

Gossip. I never liked it really. Still don't, honestly. I won't say that I don't gossip AT ALL. I do, but I don't do it much. I most usually listen to gossip, but rarely tell. I really do consider gossip to be the lowest form of discourse, as intelligentsia say. (Random much)

The birds speak,
they tell me that a gale is nigh,
The crows warn beings about the imminence,
The tits whisper wayward sighs of obstacles to come,

I can see them,
The spirits of the wind,
They look so beautiful,
Yet they cause so much destruction,

The tempest is nearing,
A maelstrom of death and devastation,
The mind is lost in a conundrum,
Words become a slush of sound,

Twisting and turning, drab and distorted, complex and complicated, galvanised and grotesque, flying and fluctuating,

They tell lies,
A paradox of truth,
They are equivocal and manipulated strings of words,
Deviations and defiances,

The birds are carried on the wind,
I can feel it in the wind,
I hate the wind,
Un wind.

By : Kei

*Footnote: I really like the keyboards at the INTEC library computer laboratory. They're easy to type with. You don't really even have to look at what you type because they're so comfortable, which has no relation at all. Lol

2011-02-15T23:58:00.001+08:00

I left them all just for you,
But you ended up leaving me instead.

Difference

2011-02-14T22:48:00.004+08:00

I felt it. It wasn't the same emotion I felt all this while.
I was sad, yes, that was undeniable.
I felt the sorrow reach my core.
It made me weep and shiver.

I lost it.
There was no more anger.
It was gone.
But all that remains is sorrow and despair.

I realised that it was useless.
But I still couldn't move on.
The sadness was still there.
It didn't go away.

You swore.
I believed in you.
You lied to me.
I cried.

I still couldn't let go of those memories.
You weren't able to see how much I loved you.
I wasn't able to see my reflection in your eyes.
You couldn't keep your promise to me.

You were my all.
I was in love.
You left me.
I cried.

There were nights when I would think about you.
I walked alone and remembered you.
It was cold.
My tears dropped again.

The heart that was once filled with love is now hollow.
The heart that you kept safe.
The heart that can never heal.
The heart that still yearns for you.

I sat down and hugged myself.
Because you weren't there to hug me.
I looked up at the moon.
My tears dropped again.

I couldn't understand what was really happening.
I laid on my bed and tried to sleep.
I couldn't.
I was thinking of you.

By : Kei

Elegy

2011-02-04T00:48:00.002+08:00

I can see the tower,
It stands concrete in the eye of my mind,
In flames that wash and scower,
The sins that you leave behind,

You should have died,
You should I have murdered,
But I could never hide,
From my sin to my darling little songbird,

The years of suffering,
They have taught me a virtue,
Lovers though so promising,
Never stay faithful and true,

Your eyes leer so eerily,
Damned is your visage,
I burn in flames so fiery,
Shiver in blasting winds so frigid,

The truth left me begging,
On my knees so pathetically,
That you would not stop hugging,
My body so faithfully,

My sorrow is my witness,
My tears hold evidence,
Of how I loved you my mistress,
With no end nor cadence,

My heart has died,
Yours never was alive,
Because of the countless nights I cried,
And for the fading life I strive,

I rest in my grave,
Without you my love,
Not having the love you gave,
Because it was a problem I could not solve,

Penitence is futile,
Returning is of no avail,
For I am now in the ground a mile,
Still crying and pale,

You stand above me,
Dressed in an ensemble black,
Laughing at how I lived pathetically,
Mourning for the love you never gave back,

This is my elegy,
The one that pities my soul,
How I wish that you had saved me,
From my despair foretold.

By : Kei

Malaysian

2010-12-25T14:10:00.004+08:00

Now, I can clearly see the quite obvious line between Malaysian English-speakers and Malaysian Non-English-speakers. I have to say that the language they use, is not the beautiful language I call my mother tongue. The way they talk is very rude and unintelligible. It's not just the way they talk, but also what they talk about as well as the ideas they come up with. All of those are shown by the way they talk.

This ultimately reflects the culture of which they live in, which is not the traditional, demure, very well mannered Malaysian culture we "were" epitomised with back in the day.

The thoughts they have are not well cultured and I believe that this is a contribution of the friends they choose, the things they are interested in, their religious upbringing, the degree of how westernised they are. A certain amount of exposure to the outside world is healthy, but just don't overdo it, because negative messages will inevitably be captured. Stick to your polite mannerisms and always be careful of what you say and the way you talk because it reflects the way you behave and what kind of person you are.

P/S: I'm not talking about Malaysian Non-English-speakers in general, but certain social circles. These are the impolite talking kind who speak no English.

I feel ashamed by these people as I am a Malaysian myself.

I know some of you may think that what I'm saying is a paradox, because I'm typing in full English, but bear in mind that I am Malaysian, I speak Bahasa Malaysia (The REAL Bahasa Malaysia, and not the soiled variation of today).

A point is that Bahasa Malaysia has been soiled.

"Paradox" you say? "Contradiction"? Would you rather speak in a foreign language or in your mother tongue that has been soiled? Think about it. I'm Malaysian and I talk in BM as much as I talk in English.

This is just an academic perspective of how youngsters nowadays talk, behave, and think. Don't take it the wrong way if you do not talk in soiled BM or behave impolitely.

Whatevers

2010-12-23T22:55:00.002+08:00

Apa benda paling penting dalam hidup anda?

First and foremost, duit. Pastu BB, pastu laptop. Aduh, banyak sangat lah yang penting dalam hidup ni. Makanan, baju, tempat tinggal, mak ayah, adik beradik, kawan2, dan lain-lain.

Benda terakhir yang korang beli pakai duit sendiri?
Topup utk Maxis dan Celcom. RM10 each.

Di mana tempat korang nak melangsungkan perkahwinan & apa tema perkahwinan korang?

Nak majlis perkahwinan western yang biasa2 je in an English garden. The colour theme has to be pure white and there has to be white roses all over! How divine.

Adakah korang sedang bercinta sekarang?

Nope. I gave up on love a long time ago. Sorry.

Berapa lama lagi korang akan mencintai kekasih korang?

As long as it takes for my life to ebb away from my body. Giteewww~ Haha

Novel/buku/majalah yang terakhir korang beli?

Music; A crash course by Marcus Weeks. It's a fun book to read, which depicts the history of Western music from the prehistoric era, on to the medieval era, to renaissance, baroque, classical, romantic, etc..

Antara mak ayah korang, mana korang lebih mesra?
Errmmmmm... Ntah.. Haha

Namakan orang yang betul2 korang nak jumpa dalam hidup korang.

Easy, that'd have to be Pyotr Illych Tchaikovsky. Selain drpd tu, Rasulullah SAW.

Adakah korang basuh baju korang sendiri?

Duh~

Di manakah tempat yang korang btol2 nak pergi?

Italy, Spain, Russia. How wondrous.

Pilih salah satu, peluk atau cium?

Peluk lagi romantic. Kalau cium tu, senang menaikkan nafsu syahwat, so, afdhal jikalau dielakkan ya rakan2.

Beritahu 3 benda tentang orang yang tag anda.

...... NINJAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ~
Dia selalu kalah bila bertengkar dgn saya.
Symptom2 bila dia nak kalah adalah apabila dia pukul2, cubit2 dan tarik tetek orang. Haha

Benda yang paling korang sayang dalam hidup korang?

Haish, benda yang paling mustahak tadi tu lah yang paling disayangi. Kamu nih, haish~

5 lagu yang korang suka & selalu dengar.

Danse Macabre - Camille Saint Saens
Valse Sentimentale - Pyotr Illych Tchaikovsky
Pas De Deux - Pyotr Illych Tchaikovsky
The Only Exception - Paramore
One Less Bell To Answer - Glee Cast

5 blogger yang dipertanggungjawabkan untuk jawab tag ini.

A
B
C
D
E
Sapa-sapa je lah. bvjlbwa;fihepi;hqfi;hwa

Terima Kasih

The precipice of defeat

2010-11-21T23:49:00.002+08:00

The deprivation of valour,
I shall close my eyes and dream it all away,
The darkness of the night shall be replaced with the burning sight of the sun,
A rainbow beyond that hill yonder,

The smell of the sun is on your shirt,

You were always by my side,
But we have outgrown each other,
Now little is left to cherish,
Memories are left to be kept in our hearts,

Never throw your dreams away,
Throw them to the sky,
And hope that the wind carries them to the heavens,
To fly with the birds and sigh in relief,

Old dust is stirred,

It shimmers in the light,
Dancing in the sunlight locked within a shabby room,
Where a window channels the summer light,
Of orange and yellow,

An old story unfolds

You may not notice it,
But we have grown,
Our childhood was so sweet,
As sweet as molasses,

When we were small, everything seemed so simple,
Life was a delicious breeze,
The smell of jasmine wafted in the ether,
The sun was hot and dry,

The fields were our playground,
The world was ours to explore,
We worried about nothing,
Our dreams were all nice,

One prayer is granted

I liked the way you dressed,
A simple white tee and shorts with a pair of sandals,
You had that silly straw hat,
You always made me smile,

Your eyes had that innocence,
An innocence that seemed so delicate,
A flare burned in your heart,
One that was fuelled by curiosity,

You had scraped knees and elbows,
Scruffy short hair,
A missing tooth,
And a brave heart,

We all have grown up, everything changes,

The heart of our early years,
We were so young and fresh,
Growing up seemed like an eternity,
An eternity that would never come,

By: Kei

2010-11-16T12:30:00.001+08:00

I may be warm, accepting and supportive, but do not forget that I may be cold, cunning and calculative at the same time.

Confusion

2010-11-05T16:23:00.002+08:00

According to Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development, there are 8 stages of which we all have to go through as we progress in life, from infancy to adulthood and finally death. Right now, being an adolescent of the age of 20, I've gone through many of these stages. But, I do believe that there were stages whereby I was not able to fully pass through quite completely. Though I was brought up using a very authoritarian approach, I came out quite solid though there were times when I was in dilemmas while I was facing some trials and tribulations of life. I grew from infancy to the time I was pubescant quite smoothly. Now, I am an adolescent and according to Erik Erikson's theory, this is supposed to be the time when I experience feelings of love and wanting to establish and maintain intimate relationships with a significant other. But, the sad thing is that I don't think I'm ready to do that yet. Well, that's because I think that I'm still stuck in the stage before the Intimacy vs Isolation stage in the theory, which is the Identity vs Identity Confusion stage. Honestly, I don't think I know my true self yet because I haven't really found my true identity just yet. I should already be in the Intimacy vs Isolation stage but I'm still stuck in the preceding stage because of the dilemma I am in in knowing my true self and searching for my identity. I'm really confused and I think this is going affect the following stages like the stage I should readily be in now. In the book, it only describes the stages themselves, but it doesn't say how to successfully come out of the stage if one is in a dilemma and facing the negative side of the stage,of which I am in the Identity Confusion side of the Identity vs Identity Confusion stage. I don't like being like this and it really hurts me in many ways, especially emotionally and psychologically. The trials and tribulations are simply too hard for me to handle and I really need to break free from this stage so that I can move on to the other stages.

But how?

I'm hanging on a thread....

Deceit

2010-10-30T21:39:00.002+08:00

Why is there just not a single person I can trust in? Everything people say, there must be hints of lies and deceit.

I tell you, I hate liars. They disgust me to the core.

They talk of things that seem so right, but in essence, they are just lies.

I really can't trust in any single person. Everyone is a liar. I'll never trust in anyone.

I swear to you, you shall suffer the consequences of your lies.

Instance

2010-10-29T16:36:00.005+08:00

Have you ever felt that minute twinge of an unknown emotion back in the corner of your heart that suddenly says, "I think I like her"? Out of the blue, just suddenly, you think of her and think about holding her hand and feel this strange warm fuzzy feeling. But, the funny part is that the person is someone you never even imagined of having any emotional ties besides just being friends with. The best part is that she might even be a long time friend of yours. All this while, I have never even looked upon that person in such a way and only now am I realising that what I have been looking at for so many years is what gives me such a funny feeling inside. What is this feeling?

I'm confused. I don't like being confused.
It makes me feel like crying. I don't want to cry.

2010-10-28T17:04:00.000+08:00

Isn't it funny how a simple melody can rekindle even the slightest remembrance of an event and make tears trickle off your cheeks~

2010-10-26T01:38:00.001+08:00

All is fine and ends well

Disappointment

2010-10-25T21:22:00.002+08:00

I told you I'd break your heart, one way or another. But I didn't expect it to be like this?

Now the both of us are disappointed. Sospir~

Mio Core

2010-10-24T22:57:00.002+08:00

Maybe this is just the way I'm supposed to lead my life. It is full of obstacles that I must face. This heart of mine has been enervated and is feeble. Nobody knows how much I've suffered and how much more I can take. These emptions are just so unbearable. Day by day, I try to stand with these weakened legs of mine, not knowing when I'll fall to the ground like the countless times I have. Day by day I put on a smile and feign, saying that I'm happy while I'm not. The pain just won't go away. People keep on testing me. God keeps on testing me. I am a human being, and I have weaknesses that only I know of. They hurt me inside and they call upon others to hurt me as well. Everyday I wake up fresh, but as the day grows, I am reminded of everything that has happened in my life. The memories that haunt me. The strings that bind and constrict me. They are the ones that pierce my flesh and tie me to the life I live. I am confined and imprisoned by my own memories as I can never run away from them. My memories are my walls and my emotions are the things that poison me still. My feelings, they act as the darkness that shrouds me within my prison. I become even more recluse as I am stranded in this prison. I cannot go out and I cannot be free. Free like the starlings that roam the blue skies. Like the wind that whispers in the air. Like the rivers that twist and wind into the ocean. I am restricted by my memories and I am being killed slowly by my emotions. I cannot wait for anyone to come and pick me up, because there never will be any. I have despaired. There is no more thread to grasp on. There is no more light to look up upon. There is no more hope to hold on to. My heart is empty. It is hollow. My suffering continues. The paranoia continues. Death comes. Just a moment more. He is near. I cry. This is my confession. My elegy. My sin.

Illusions

2010-10-24T03:26:00.003+08:00

I look through the window,
And see a world covered in darkness,
***

The trees die and fall to the ground,
The ground cracks and scorches,
The animals scavenge and prey,
The sounds pierce and echo,

The noises outside scare me,
They remind me of bestial animals,
Clawing the doors trying to enter,
And bring about death and destruction,

Their eyes glow in the dark,
Their lips dripping with blood,
Their fangs sharp and rugged,
Their coats moonlit,

**************************************

I can't describe what I see. Words are just not enough. How do I express this vision I have? I am disturbed.

I have no will and intention of continuing this poem.

Threads that Bind and Pierce

2010-10-22T20:23:00.002+08:00

I was never able
to forget
the bitter memories

They are like
the threads that
Bind
and
Pierce

Nervous

2010-10-22T16:16:00.003+08:00

I become scared and nervous when talking to strangers all by myself. That's mostly because I'm shy. *Hard to believe right? Haha* So, that's why I always ask my friends to enquire something for me, because I'm afraid to ask myself.

Even when talking on the phone to order take-out, I become nervous. I just ordered McD just now and my hands are shaking now. Lol

Experiences

2010-09-29T22:21:00.002+08:00

I am unable to feel anymore,
For this heart can no longer beat,
As anguish and sorrow have filled it to the brim,
Saturated my heart with venom and poison,

I am unable to think anymore,
For my mind has been stolen,
Making me tremble insanely,
Blank and spaced,

I am unable to see anymore,
For my eyes are blind,
After all the tears have turned to blood,
Dragging me into eternal darkness,

I am unable to hear anymore,
For my ears have bled countless drops of blood,
Caused by listening to the lies of deceitful beings,
Telling words that deafen,

I am unable to speak anymore,
For my mouth is sewn shut,
Afraid to ever utter words of love,
Speechless and silent,

I am unable to walk anymore,
For my legs are too weak,
As I carry the weight of a thousand sins on my shoulders,
Breaking my spine and crushing me whole,

My senses are gone,
And it is because of the lot of you,
Damn you all to hell,
I put a curse on you all.

By : Kei

Silence and Solitude.

2010-09-20T00:42:00.001+08:00

2010-09-06T17:04:00.001+08:00

Silence and Solitude

2010-08-23T20:38:00.004+08:00

The wind fades to silence,
The rolling storm clouds approach,
The light of the sun is shrouded and diminished,
The drums of lightning and thunder start to strike and pound,

Blood drains from my face,
Making my cheeks feel numb,
And my lips discoloured,
Pale in complexion,

She went away,
And all that is and ever was crumbled right before my eyes,
The world began to seem like a dark place to be in,
Human beings started to look like a dark congregation of shadows,

My senses started to wither away,
My body became numb,
I shivered because of the cold,
And I dropped to the ground because my heart started to stop,

I am now a lifeless doll,
I ripped my heart out to avoid from ever being hurt again,
I became a recluse to protect myself from the hurtful actions of human beings,
I placed myself in solitude so that I could gather my thoughts and think about how human beings are evil,

Eventually one soul may appear and bring me out of this darkness,
But all the bliss and all the rapture is just temporary,
Not long after, they will dispose of you,
They will kill you inside,

I can no longer trust in the things they say,
Lies will always be lies,
They are killers in disguise,
They lure you with sweets and then pour acid straight into your mouth,

Smiles turn to frowns,
The evils of the world begin to seem like all that ever was and all that ever will be,
The good converts,
Truth really is ugly,

Not one soul passes these gates,
The gates that lead to my heart,

I am alone,
I am mute,
I am in solitude,
I am in silence.

By : Kei

The Past

2010-08-23T15:46:00.002+08:00

History is bound to repeat itself if one never learns from the mistakes of his past.

I just don't know what to do anymore. What are the flaws that I have that make me experience the same problem time and time again? I try to reflect, but there just isn't anything I can see that causes me to suffer such trauma.

I know I can get through this because god never presents a challenge that his loyal servants cannot face.

But.....

I'm doubtful.

I don't think I can stand for much longer.

Any more of this and it would mean the death of me.

I'm just so desperate to find a way to rid myself of these feelings! But nobody can help me.