Why is my heart broke?

Lana Del Rey - Million Dollar Man

I've been hurt. I am hurt. All lead to pain. Why has love never been in my favour? I don't know. Sometimes I find myself rejecting love and saying that it's of no good use, but then I feel a nasty kind of sorrow digging deep into my chest. A sorrow that is as vast but as empty as the universe. I imagine myself crying and grabbing every bit of sanity that is left. I feel the inside of my chest and try to find the source of my sorrow but what I find is a dark humour thick and as black as tar dripping from the cupping palms of my hand. Perhaps that's the love that festered within myself turned into the stuff of chagrin and lachrymose due to failure.

I'm writing this because the feeling crept up to me again today. It comes every now and then. The black bile oozed from the cracks in my chest. In time, it might completely mortify me.