The Informer

16.9.16

I had a dream. After the dream, you disappeared. It was just dream.

1.3.16

We were both broken inside, but I was just a little bit more broken than you were. I thought that we could find solace in our brokenness together, but you finally left me to mend my shattered pieces in solitude.

12.2.16

Double edge

I am animus. I am the hate that dwells in your chest, pricking your heart with needles soaked in poison. I am the blood that spills from the slitted throats of innocent children. I am the red tide that brings death and destruction to the living. I am the din that gives birth to the demons that haunt your mind and taunt your soul.

I am also sorrow. I am the depression that grips your emotions with claws of rusted steel, peeling your sanity bit by bit. I am the dark humour that fills the night and that blinds your eyes. I am the shroud of fog that confuses you and renders your senses useless. I am the silence of the dead that drives you to the brink of losing your mind.

I am the bliss that fills your breast with joy and happiness. I am the wild flowers of May whose scent dances in the meadows and lingers on your shoulder. I am the holy light in which you bathe and cleanse your body, mind and soul. I am the lord who descends from the heavens and saves the earth. I am the heaven that you seek. I am salvation. I am purity. I am hope. I am love.

Just one more month and we'll see whether things between us will go back to normal or die in their tracks. I'm getting fidgety kinda like Scarlatti's K. 366.


Domenico Scarlatti - Keyboard Sonata in F Major (K. 366)

3.2.16



Do you remember that night we gazed at the stars? It was late and the sky was clear that night. I looked up; so did you. You asked why there were stars directly above us, and not in other directions. I paused for a moment and came up with a hypothesis: the stars above us were closer to us than the ones in other directions. There was a shorter distance and there were fewer interfering air particles that refract light between us and the stars directly above us. You thought it impressive; I was just being me. That night, I had thoughts rushing in my mind. That night, I wanted to kiss you, but I couldn't because I was too shy.
















That night, I fell for you.















What went wrong? You were a shooting star that was bound for some destination—a destination far away from me. That's why we drifted apart even though we started off as 2 stars colliding into each other. It's a cliché to say that we were star-crossed lovers, but that's what we seem to be.



How can I say that I regret meeting you?




You're proof that love can exist regardless of superfice. It's not about money, education, appearance, or status. You stand as testament to the fact that love transcends that which is visible. I know that for a fact.


However, feelings change. I have no power over that. Fate meant for our stars to collide, but it is also fate that has decided for us to part ways. Where will you go? Will we ever meet again? Can we ever... My doubts and regrets torture me in ways unimaginable. For now, let's just keep the story short and say that you're a shooting star that hasn't found its destination yet. By chance, I met you in the vast nothingness of the galaxy and was somehow pulled by your force. But you went by and I was left drifting in space. This is my last dedication to you, A. If, somehow, you are reading this, let it be known that I'm sorry for everything.



별 (Star) - Kim Ah Joong



The wind is shaking the windows, and over my small room.
The stars fill up the sky, shining brightlytoo many to count.
The stars reassure the tired me.
They wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me.

"Don’t be hurt too much," they hug me tight
and pamper me,
and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk,
though my tears blur my vision,
I’ll still smile in front of the love that I’m not able to get.

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure them deep inside my heart,
like the countless number of stars, forever.

My dream is coming. Though it is unusual that my one star is bright,
it is very bright, blinding even, it comes down to my shoulder.
"Stop being so sad," it holds my hand as it touches me
and gives me a warm hug.

Only for today, I won’t cry. Though my eyes fill with tears,
I want to laugh like those stars.
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart,
like the countless number of stars, forever.

21.1.16

I'm Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Ever since my baby went away, it's been the blackest day.


The Blackest Day - Lana Del Rey

20.1.16

To move on is to admit that you're gone.
Let me bear this pain just a bit longer so that I know that I'm alive.
I'm not ready to die yet.

8.9.15

Rekindling Embers

It's been a while since my last post. I've officially completed my MA and am now chilling at home.

Here are a few photos of the trip all over the UK I went for with mum, dad, and 2 of mum's friends. It was a memory rekindling trip as we treaded the path we treaded back in the early 90s when we were living in the UK still.

The chronology was:

London > Wales > Scotland > Yorkshire > London

It took us a week, if I'm not mistaken. We didn't go south to Kent etc. though.

Anyway, Scotland was beaut. The highlands were boggy and unscenic but nice nonetheless. Visiting Loch Ness made me reminisce about the trip we had all over the UK back when I was small. The pit stop in Huddersfield made me reminisce even more because that was where I was raised. We went to our old house and my old school, and we even met our old land lord.

Doorway to Norway

I went to Norway with mum and Dad. It was in June, btw; so, this is like a throwback kinda thing. Even though it was already summer, it was still snowing in the mountains. Total wonder. I have never seen such beautiful scenery in my entire life. If you ever have time and some extra money, I totally recommend that you see the fjords in Norway.

24.6.15

Ramadan

How does one appreciate ramadan when it is the number of hours before iftar that they are obsessed with?

We check the time every now and then to see how long it is before we can break our fast, mindlessly worrying about our empty stomachs when what we should be worrying about is the empty stomachs of the poor fakir. We check the time every now and then to see how long it is before we can break our fast when what we should be checking is the number of good deeds we have done throughout the day.

Ramadan is a month of empathy such that we deprive ourselves of worldly pleasures so that we see how the less fortunate are faring. Ramadan is a month of forgiveness such that we seek forgiveness from Allah and those whom we have wronged one way or another. Ramadan is a month of physical, mental and spiritual cleansing such that we detoxify ourselves from the poisons in our body, mind and soul through fasting and prayer.