And of course I'll let you break my heart again.

I'm convinced that I return to this blog only when my heart is in turmoil. However, this time I am not in a state of animus but anguish, sorrow and severe emotional pain. My feelings are testament to how I truly loved you. Despite the misunderstandings between us, the shortcomings I had, the lack of action on both parts, I cannot dismiss the deep connection we had. Over time that connection might have faded and I regret not having fought harder to keep us going. As I am writing this post, my vision is blurred by the tears trickling down my cheeks. No matter how long time has elapsed and no matter what they say in love songs, I don't think I can ever fall out of love with you.

It has been more than a year since we parted. The 5 years we spent together can never be replaced and I cannot just erase half a decade's worth of memories with you, even if I wanted to, for that would leave an expansive gap in my memory. Although it pains me terribly, I don't want to forget. They say that you miss the memories, not the person, but I am convinced that it is YOU that I miss, it is YOU that I want, and it is YOU that I love more than anyone in this world. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I see you in the sky when I look up, I see you in the words I read, I see you in my dreams when I am asleep.

Were we a case of the right person at the wrong time? Will we rediscover each other in the future and rekindle the flame that once burnt so brightly in the past? I have so many questions and even more regrets. I'm sorry for making you cry. I'm sorry I failed to pick up your cues for help. I'm sorry for my apathy. But just in case you're reading this, I've learnt my lesson. On the rare occasions that we do meet, I would always ask if you're happy because I feel guilty for not truly listening to your sighs when I should have when we were together. I took you for granted because of my arrogance. Never did it occur to me that you would leave because I was convinced that I was the greatest. I thought that I had you in the palm of my hand, bound by chains, but how gravely wrong I was.

It's a pity that I can't translate all of this into words that should come out of my mouth. I'm hopeless when it comes to expressing my feelings verbally, so I shall resort to the written word. I just hope that at least you felt the love I was trying to convey in whatever weird way I tried to.

Even now, I am still hopeful that we would reunite and find our happily ever after.